• Overheard in Uig

    by  • 16 September 2008 • News & Events • 0 Comments

    Two fankside philophers on the Good Night Out in Uig, being presented by B8011 (that’s the Uig theatre company, and also the road to Uig) – which is on Friday 26 September at 8pm at Uig Community Centre.  £6/£3, tickets on the door, cash bar.

    WE SEE A BOILER-SUITED FIGURE LEANING ON THE TOP BAR OF A SHEEP PEN. HE TAKES OUT A TOBACCO TIN AND COMMENCES ROLLING A CIGARETTE.

    A SECOND FIGURE, ALSO IN A BOILER-SUIT, APPROACHES. HE LEANS ON THE TOP BAR OF THE PEN AND TAKES OUT A TOBACCO TIN.

    FIRST:

    Anything fresh?

    SECOND:

    Och cail. I never heard a thing. (PAUSE)

    FIRST:

    Is there a play on in the hall or something?

    SECOND:

    (A SNORT) Huh! That’s all we need. What is it?
    Shakespeare I suppose.
    Oh well, it’ll be the telly that night then.

    FIRST:

    No, it’s not Shakespeare.

    SECOND:

    Aw, don’t tell me it’s another thing about St Kilda!
    We’ve already had St Kilda – the Ballet, St Kilda – the Opera.
    What is it this time?
    Hiort – the Musical?!

    FIRST:

    No, no. It’s Iain Baba and that lot.

    SECOND:

    Has that boy not got a proper job yet?

    FIRST:

    Well… he’s very keen on the acting.

    SECOND:

    Acting?! Is that what he calls it?
    No, no. There’s no decent actors left nowadays.
    Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster – that’s what you call actors.
    Look at the films they were in: High Noon, Rio Bravo, The Magnificent Seven.

    FIRST:

    Er… I don’t think they were in any of them.
    You’re thinking of John Wayne.

    SECOND:

    Well… anyway… you know what I mean.
    And who else is in this so-called play?
    They were scraping the barrel last time.

    FIRST:

    Maggie Smith I think’s in it.

    SECOND:

    Maggie Smith! She couldn’t even get a part in Machair.
    What does that tell you?
    Anybody else? Anybody I might actually have heard of?

    FIRST:

    Er… Kathryn MacIver.

    SECOND:

    Oh aye. Another household name.
    In her own household.
    I knew they’d be scraping the barrel but even so….
    What was her last starring role – an extra on Haggis Agus?

    FIRST:

    She’s a niece of Mairi Hearach’s.

    SECOND:

    We’ll have no trouble hearing her then.
    If she takes after the Auntie.
    Thank goodness I’ve got a bit of painting to do.
    I’ll stay home and watch that drying instead.

    FIRST:

    Oh no. It should be quite good.
    Two plays they’re doing.
    Two short plays.

    SECOND:

    Aye. They’ll be long enough when you’re sitting in the hall.

    FIRST:

    Well… I don’t know. Two for the price of one.
    That sounds like a good deal.

    SECOND:

    Oh aye. That’s what you get in Tesco’s when there’s some rubbing they want rid of.
    Och well… I might take a look in – at least the bar’ll be open.
    When is this anyway?

    FIRST:

    The 26th. It’s a Friday.

    SECOND:

    Dash it!

    FIRST:

    What?

    SECOND:

    I’ve got a stag do that night.

    FIRST:

    A stag do? Where’s that then?

    SECOND:

    Brenish.

    FIRST:

    Ah! Co-dhuibh…

    © Eric J Macdonald

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